But the people who live in your town? Did they move there because their ideal community was something without the things you want? Everyone has a diffrent ideal comminity and maybe by trying to create your own you're ruining someone elses?

I'm not saying it's wrong, I live in a small town that is known for it's heavy drinking and youth with a scary alchool tolerance. And here the legal drinking age is 18. I'm a wallflower, like I was the person who knew a lot about people, the person that had deep conversations with many diffrent people who all though they were the only one.

I was invited to a party with alchool, with parents who were there in the beginning and left out SO MUCH ALCOHOL. Like, a lot. Like not beer and wine. Vodka and tequila and "Oh I read about this drink on the internet lets try it" I didn't drink because I know what alcohol does to a 14 year old brain. In my town there is a tradation for a really big party at the compulsory school ending age (e.g. they can't force you to go to school) that is 16. We were taught cpr and what to do if someone gets alchool poisoning because every year someone does.

And that is all horrible and I have friends who are very smart and very motivated who are trying to change it. BUT every year almost everyone goes on to higher education (still not very high, but higher the "high-school") and leaves this town. Everyone goes to another town, everyone finds a new community.

And every day when I go home, every time I meet someone from my old class we look at eachother, maybe wave. Everyone has realized it was fucked up.

But it was still a community, one time I was having a REALLY hard time and started crying, Uncontrollably - I couldn't stop. For like an hour. And then no-one talked to me about it. No-one accused me or spread rumours. At first I though it was because they honesty didn't care.

Then I heard some people talk about me. And they were talking about me, but not unkindly. And they had made damn good sure that I didn't hear it.

And by god teenagers are obvious, so they must have been trying, at least a bit.

And maybe they did tease me, or call me a nerd - but they respected me. They would compliment me on my schoolwork, and listen to me when I was done with my math and my teacher had told me to walk around and help others instead. And that didn't translate to getting invited to parties - but that wasn't what I wanted. I thought rhey were stupid. But I tried to encourage them and tell them that I wasn't much smarter- I just tried a lot more. that I would sit and study a lot more and that the fact they could pass without even trying meant they were smart and that they were succesful.

And seeing them actually listen and feel better - at least temporarily - was what I wanted from them socially.

And they thought I was a jerk who couldn't pick up on social cues. But they - they would let me sit with them if I wanted - they wouldn't ignore me. And when I did hang out with them at school events they would give me makeup tips.

When we were in france they all did my hair and makeup until I looked like them. And I didn't want that every day - I prefered my books.

But today i'm pretty good at makeup too.

What I'm saying is - both ar probably responsible - and maybe try living somewhere else before you try and change your hometown - it will make you realize what you want to keep.