I said what I said with all the disclaimers pointing to the fact that I know what I'm saying isn't smart.

It's part of the reason I said it, because I am absolutely, completely, wholeheartedly enwrapped and enraptured by this desire. I know I can do all those other things. But I want to challenge myself and risk (not invite) "prospective trauma." I only want to serve my 5 years active duty, post-West Point, and walk off with my ~$300k+ in commission savings, absolute fucking zero in college loans, and up to fucking $160k of my fucking graduate education fucking paid for in thieving collegiate America, for fucks sake.

Remember, when white said that, he didn't exactly say whether or not that was the opinion of his friends who had commited suicide.

Good–but keep in mind not necessarily accurate, and arguably very narrow-minded– point.

I think I have the set of skills– furthermore I inherently and vigorously desire the skills I don't have–that make up a graduate of West Point or any officer or service-member otherwise. Further-further more, I inherently and vigorously desire a very specific personality and set of traits that I have only seen so completely and so clearly in people, like white, for whom I've expressed my respect before, who have partook in some way or another in a war.. or experienced it as a civilian. I've met many of both categories, and many across the whole spectrum of damages taken from their experiences–including, if you really need to go there–suicide.

I haven't seen these enough of these skills and/or traits that I respect and desire in any bike rider, band member, or businessman to earn such strong respect and staunch admiration. I've at least met 30 "successful" rock musicians, countless successful classical musicians, and talk on the daily with businessmen who have succeeded in New York City and around the world in ways that would blow your fucking mind.

Thank you for calling me out, I honestly seriously appreciate it, like really. I mean it. I'm considering what you're saying seriously, butbutbutbutbut I still need to make my point because there's something more I feel than just "believing" in it. I have not made a decision yet.