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That was a great article and I'm glad someone else read it and appreciated it. I'll check this out :) I may end up childfree in the long run. The list of "why not to have kids" keeps getting longer and the list of "why to" well...just...doesn't.

    8. "I would have been a terrible mother because I'm basically a very selfish human being. Not that that has stopped most people going off and having children." —Katharine Hepburn, Kate Remembered by A. Scott Berg, published in July 2003

At first this may seem like that Marilyn Monroe quote that people love to hate on. However, this really resonates with me. My tore-my-life-apart-former-lover, whose wife is now pregnant, told me once that he "admired and respected" me because when confronted with the idea of raising a child I often begin by raising what I feel to be my own limitations. Selfishness is one of them.

What he found admirable and respectable about this was the fact that I knew myself well enough to know that both parts of my personality and the ways I want(ed) to live my life were not going to be easily compatible with children.

I have no problem with being 'selfish' when it means 'not raising a child who I will grow to resent, and who in turn will be damaged by that.' I have no problem with choosing not to have a child if it's because I don't think a child would succeed in the environment I'd be bringing it into. That applies to the tangible, like financial situation, but for me it also applies to fit parenting.

I am sometimes viciously independent. I generally love it. Knowing how much I love and value my 'freedom' (and resent those who would curtail it) it is hard to think that a child would not engender some resentment, at least currently. I am open to the idea of kids given certain conditions. I accept that as time passes I will change and what I want will change. I am willing to encounter tomorrow's desires square in the face tomorrow and attempt to achieve them - then. If and when they appear.

I am rambling.

It is not a bad thing to know that you are selfish. It is not a bad thing to know that parenthood may present a conflict of interests for someone. It is not a bad thing to choose not to take what can be the very real risk of having a child and, because of your own inclinations, causing immense harm.

I won't have a child until I'm 100% sure I want it and can raise it well, and for me that well goes beyond finances and "the right schools."

Edit 2: For the record and/or interestingly, I really, really thought all I wanted was to get married, have kids, and be a SAHM/second fiddle to the breadwinner when I was in my teens. I pretty much wanted to be a Stepford wife and knew it.

I'm glad I don't want that anymore. I'm glad that didn't happen. I suppose this is my "change of heart" answer to tng's question from last week. Didn't really think about it til now.