Have you tried creating something on your own? If so, and if it hasn't gone well, you should really try again. You have ideas of things that appeal to you, even though as you said they might not exist, or aren't reachable. I think someone like you has the perfect potential of original production, especially if there aren't many people that you know that are like you. I dont necessarily mean art, either. I would love ;) to see some stuff, no matter how big or small, you might've created. Also, I will get you those links on philosophy, my club's facebook group has some great stuff.I've grown tired of the things I enjoy, as they don't bring me anything new. And I can't discuss my thoughts or opinions with people as most people don't seem to care to. And 99% of the time I open my mouth (to anyone mind you) I'm ignored.